sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
