this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
