I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
