Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
