Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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