I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
