So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I think pants incapable of making pants work
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
