if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
