I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
my nose is crying tears of wow.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize