I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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