soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
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I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize