the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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