The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
