hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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