Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
