I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
