my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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