If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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