in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
