3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
