I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
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Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
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We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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