watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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