the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
