i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
