I like my sex mixed with concussions.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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