anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
