I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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