When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
