Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
