My girlfriend figured out who you are.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Randomize
