Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
