A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
