Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
