The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
