he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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