You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
