his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
