i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
