why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
