dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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