im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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