I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
