I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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