Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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