I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
