You really coming over, don't trick.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
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I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
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An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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