i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
