You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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