Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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