remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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