so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
