she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
