Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
