I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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