I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
