I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
