remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
