He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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